Change

"I remember the sweet sensation of leaving, years ago, some 10 now, leaving Texas for who knows where. I could not have known about this beautiful place, the Oregon I have come to love, this city of great people, this smell of coffee and these evergreens reaching up into a mist of sky, these sunsets spilling over the west hills to slide a red glow down the streets of my town. And I could not have known then that if I had been born here, I would have left here, gone someplace south to deal with horses, to get on some open land where you can see tomorrow's storm brewing over a high desert. I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way. All my life I have been changing. I changed from a baby to a child, from soft toys to play daggers. I changed into a teenager to drive a car, into a worker to spend money. I will change into a husband to love a woman, into a father to love a child, change houses so we are near water, and again so we are near mountains, and again so we are near friends; keep changing with my wife, getting our love so it dies and gets born again and again, like a garden, fed by four seasons, a cycle of change. Everybody has to change, or they will expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons. I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it's time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, becasuse a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently.... And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children at play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about learning to move yourseld around water, around mountatins, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting, and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it? It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out. I want to repeat one word for you: Leave. Roll the word around on your tounge for a bit. It is a beautiful word isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You never have been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be the same when you get back. It is you who will have changed." -Donald Miller Through Painted Deserts

I remember how scared I was to leave and come on this trip; how terrified I was to change; how much I allowed myself to get caught up in distraction for fear of change... a change that I knew was going to happen but had no idea exactly when or what would change. I let fear take hold but not for long because I came here didn't I? For the first time in awhile, I trusted in the Lord and took a step out in faith. This trip was my step of faith towards change. The previous passage captures so perfectly how amazing change is and how God is a God of change! He is about irreplaceable, never going back type of change! He calls us to die to our sinfulness and accept a new life with Him. He tells us to replace fleshly desires with those of Jesus Christ, a change that revolutionizes who we are as individuals... goes against human nature completely. He commands us to leave our fathers, mothers, sisters, and brothers to pursue Him and spread the good news; to teach others dicipleship. As His children, he calls us to grow up and develop in our faith, which brings about constant renewal. The Lord always demands change!

And yet as humans, we fear it so much.... conscienciously and subconscienciouly. Something new or different is not always a positive thing; new things can be scary and frightening.... but not always. Because we do not know, however, this is where fear arises and takes hold. The chances are 50/50.... too high for most. This mentality leads to the idea that we shouldn't rock the boat by taking chances; things are good now aren't they? And this is where fear wins and when it does, we are telling God that we know best. Fear holds us back from the great, from the amazing, from the unimaginable! God does not call us to be fearful but to replace fear with trust... trust in Him. It is through this trust that He builds our faith; faith so great it can move mountains! He wants us to take that chance, that 50/50 chance, and embrace whatever the outcome and give Him all the glory despite eveything. Life is too short and passes too quickly. Not only that but we don't know when our time will come to an end. As everyday passes, His coming draws near! Don't miss out on the unimaginable and settle for the good. Don't put God in that box. I have for too long and I can't anymore! Through my time in Africa and working with these children, the Lord has showed me how little is accomplished when we let fear win. If I let fear win, I would have never been with these children... seen them smile or hear them laugh! Never made these amazing memories! Never understood half the things God has revealed to me! Don't let fear win in your life. Don't settle for just good. Allow God to show you things you could have never dreamed of!!!

Another week in the life... of me :)

This past week has been an interesting one, in that our schedule was completely disrupted by a funeral in our village. We arrived back from midway retreat on Monday afternoon to a yard-full of kids, which was awesome! Even though we were only gone 2 days, the children were so happy to have us back and welcomed us with tons of hugs and smiles :) Tuesday we were able to have a normal day with tutoring and devotions but that night we received news that an elderly woman in the village had died. When this happens in African culture, the whole village shuts down; it's pretty much like a snow day in GA, well like a snow storm. All organized activities were cancelled, children were asked to stay indoors, no singing (which is huge here; everyone sings. seriously.)... pretty much had to maintain a somber environment. And everyone in the village is required to visit the home for an extended amount of time (like hours) and come to the burial. If not, it is highly looked down upon... you look very uncaring. The funeral requirements lasted until Saturday AM, when everything went back to normal. It was so weird to me at first to think about this. There is no way in America that this would ever happen! Funerals are meant for family and friends; here, even if you didn't know the person, yet lived in the same area, you went to their funeral. But then I thought about Romans 12:15 when Paul was talking about loving others..."Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." When I went into the home of the woman who died, I kept repeating this verse over and over. Although this was strange, different from my culture, and I was completely out of my comfort zone, I thought it was fantastic because I was able to show these people love by being able to mourn with them. This was so significant because.... we could not speak the same language. It was incredibly encouraging to think that God's love has no boundaries, not even language! Even though I was frustrated with how the funeral messed up our opportunities to be with the kids, especially with only 3 weeks left, God surprised me with this little life lesson :) lol.

We are experiencing some "new" interactions with the kids this weeks as well. It has come to our attention that our kids are not as angelic as we think.... it is easy to forget that they are sinners too and still understanding what their faith is when living in a Christian environment. Comfortablity is begining to sink in and with that, the veil has been lifted and they are no longer poor, needy orphans who can do no wrong. They are normal children who are going through normal, sinful behavior. My prayer is that we can continue to love them how God calls us to whatever that is. I'm still figuring it out. Though my time here is getting shorter by the day, I will continue to persevere because that is what God is calling me to do. "Let hold unswearvingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us spur on toward love and good deeds....So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." Hebrews 10: 23-24;35-36. Pray for the softening of these kids hearts and the penetration of God's word. Also be praying that we can continue our service with the same zeal and enthusiasm we had during our first weeks here; may we take one day at a time and finish strong!

As for healing in our group, continue to pray for that.... there seems to be a cold going around and some stomach viruses as well. Jessica's leg is healed up... no more staff infection! Great answer to prayer! We are still in need of sponsors for the twin boys waiting to come into Chiwengo. Continue prayer in this area as well.

Hope life back in the states is wonderful for everyone and that the summer has been amazingly fun! Heard Lindsey Lohan is in jail again.... uh oh lol gotta love celebrity dirt. We should pray for her too :)

Just a quickie

Ok so I literally just spent an hour trying to upload pictures.... and I managed to be able to upload one (its the one picture in my slide show lol)! Frustrating!! So bc of that I have no time to blog :(

Some important news though.... we are hoping to receive 2 new children at Chiwango next week! This is all dependent on whether the children get sponsored in time; they are two twin boys. If anyone is interested in sponsoring a child ($43 a month for children in the orphan homes), please email our leader Jenn at jennleigh@gmail.com asap! It would be greatly appreciated! Pray for sponsorship and safety for these children bc if they are coming to COTN, they are in desperate need... we take dire cases only.

Sorry for the short blog. Can't wait for more updates next week!!!

Midway retreat

So this weekend was our midway retreat... we officially have one more month in Africa! And I have a random opportunity to use the internet!! Yea!! I can't believe how much I miss having it, especially since I am so use to having my iphone at my fingertips! This weekend has been extremely nice; just a relaxing time to be able to fellowship with other interns from surrounding areas and talk about our experiences. I had ice cream for the first time in over a month; it was awesome! We also had a BBQ and a DANCE PARTY last night!!!!!!! For two hours we broke it down and I stayed up till 10:30 haha! Has only happened one other time when we stayed up to watch Ghana play in the World Cup. Omg and I got to dance! It was pretty much amazing! Even better, I got to see Edina again! She wasn't as shy this time, which was great! Her mother invited me to come to their home yesterday; so today, I was able to go and sit with them for about an hour. I found out that 2 weeks ago, Edina was sick with malaria and had to go to the hospital. I also found out that I was able to help with her recovery.... COTN pays for sponsored children's medical care! I was incredibly thankful for that because her mother said she was extremely sick and it was a very scary time for her. Praise Jesus that she is ok! Oh and I got to take a hot shower!!! I've never realized more than my time here, that it is definitely the small things in life that bring me the most joy! Probably one of my favorite moments from the weekend would have to be church. Today we got to go to an American-style church!!! It felt so amazing to praise God in English and to be able to sing and understand fully what I was hearing for the first time since I've been here. It was refreshing and a revitalizing moment for me; one that I didn't realize I needed until it happened. And it was so nice to feel connected through a familiar church!

Although this weekend has been great and I have enjoyed it, I am even more excited to get back to the kids! Before we left, one of our kids, Isaiwallie, came to me saying he was sad that we weren't going to be there this weekend to read them bedtime stories! He seemed pretty upset about it, which was the motivation I need to continue my work over these next 4 weeks. The fact that he was genuinely bummed out that we weren't going to be there was God's way of showing me that my work here is not in vain! We are having an impact on these children's lives and are a part of his plan. His timing is perfect... "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him." Ecclesiastes 4:11-14.

Quick prayer request.... one of the girls on our team, Jessica, has a flesh eating disease. Ok not really, but she has developed this weird blister/hole on her ankle, which has also become swollen and painful to walk on. She did go to the clinic and the doctors and treating her for a staph infection-- they think it might have been a bug bite that got infected. Key words... they think. Please be praying for a fast recovery, that there are not any more complications, and that it is not anything more serious.

More to come Tuesday :)

Week 3

"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13b-14

This weeek has been SO great!! I absolutely love being with the children and serving Christ by loving them! My continual prayer is that they are able to associate my love for them as a direct result of God being in my life. Although the world may consider them orphaned and alone, they are not bc they are and have been chosen as God's children, Not only do they have a heavenly fatherbut they have multiple people ALL OVER the world who love them... due to their status as COTN children. I hope that I can continue to show them love and they in fact realize how much they are loved by so many!

The children of COTN are unique in that they are raised with a christian upbringing. Avery intense one by American standards. Their mornings begin with devotions and their nights end with them. They have verses to memorize every week and outreach outings to attend twice a week. Every Sunday is church (Malawian church mind you, which the past 2 Sundays has lasted 5 hours.... not exaggerating!) and the week sometimes ends with an occassional all-night prayer session ( we had one this past Friday that lasted til 4 AM. Needless to say, I was a slacker and only made it to 11:15 lol). I think it's fantastic that they are surrounded by God during a majority of their days; however, this can lead to a false sense of an intimate realtionship with Christ. Bc they are extremely knowledgeable about who God is and the Bible in general, it is important to make sure that they truely understand what it means to be a Christian and have a relationship with Christ. This is where we, as interns, come in to minister. We are here a longer period of time that most that visit Chiwango and are able to gain the children's trust, developing relationships with them. Right now, we are beginning to gain their trust and are praying for opportunities to learn more about individuals' take on God and what he mean in their lives. Please be praying for continual progress in this area as it is our ministry focus for the children of Chiwango.

One of the highlights of my week was the progress I made with a little 5 year old boy named William. When I first saw William, I instantly fell in LOVE with him! He is the CUTEST little boy EVER! The best word to describe himis stout and he looks like a smaller version of a grown man! William came to COTN in December; I still haven't been able to find out details about his past but I hope to soon. He was so reserved at first and stand offish but over this past week, he has opened up so much! He is always laughing (he has an awesome laugh!) and smiling; it's contagious! His new favorite thing to do, and mine to receive, is to give people "hugies," emphasis on the "e." He'll look at you and say, "Hugieeeeee!" then give you the biggest hug (he is so strong) and KISS YOU ON THE CHEEK!! Seriously he melts my heart!!

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"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

The Lord is teaching me so many amazing things about himself; how big, mighty, and powerful he truely is and how small and unworthy I am. Since I've been here, the Lord has taken the time to humble me. At home, it was so easy for meto engulf myself in distractions.... school, friends, TV, internet, cell phone, etc., while here, I have very little to distract me. Ok, really nothing to distract me haha! Bc of thi, I have had to face reality, that being God. It has been a scary, embarassing, shameful, eye-opening, powerful, and amazing time; a rollercoaster of emotions that have forced me to realize what I am, a sinner, and what it feels like to be a sinner. For too long I've been prideful without knowing I was being prideful! I had been self-rightous without realizing myself-rightousness! I had been so consumed with my own ambitions that I forgot my true calling! I needed to be reminded of my purpose and how God's plan for me is bigger and better than my own plan for myself. I thank God and praise him for allowing me to experience a newness that is only made perfect in weakness.

Please pray for this renewal process. It has just begubn and will continue long after I return home. He is teaching me that this will not be a quick, overnight thing; it will require time and patience. "When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalms 73:21-25.

I thank those of you who are praying for myself and my team members. There have been no more real issues of sickness, with the exception of a cold among one of the girls. My nightmare issue went away the same night I wrote asking for prayer and I haven't had anyissues since!! Thank you Jesus :) Our team unity did take a slight blow last week; some people were having personal issues that were intensified due to a lack of communication and cultural differences. Issues were resolved but it really shook me up bc I realized how badly Satan wants to destroy the amazing harmony of our group and have it impact our work with the children. We must be constantly prepared for this; please continue this prayer request.

Onto week 3 at Chiwango.... Pray for revolutionary things! I miss everyone greatly! xoxoxoxo